Is blood really thicker than water?

With close observation and analysis of the structure of my family and kinship relations, I have found some interesting concepts and trends that help to define what family is in terms of patterns in relationships, beliefs, reproduction, and social constructs of identity and roles and responsibilities of family members. The essay examined my patrilineal and matrilineal heritage showing the gender biases, importance of socialization and kinship relations through informal interviews and conversations.

On the basis of family and kin, a sense of belonging tends to take a biological and sexual reproductive standpoint in the history of my family from both sides.  On my father’s side of family, a nontraditional structure took hold in that my grandmother, now deceased, was a single parent with five children belonging to five different fathers.  She was the sole breadwinner, caregiver and protector for her family.  It was very similar to a matriarchal system but with the absence of a male counterpart.  Before she had passed away, I recollected asking her why she wasn’t married and her response was very adamantly put, “I do what I can do for myself, why wait for it to be done for me?  The only thing I needed from a man that I couldn’t do by myself was getting my children.”  Very strong and powerful words coming from a woman who is supposed to be by nature “secondary” and “controlled” by the opposite sex.

The pressures of gender roles posed no threat to her overcoming the odds of being inferior, a domesticated being that sustain her and supported her family through hard work.  Along the lines of social and cultural processes she demonstrated the variation that exist in society in distinguishing biology, sexual reproduction and gender roles.  She birthed and raised four girls and one boy.  Due to her disposition, she raised her children with same principles and values that she upheld.  My four aunts were well educated excelling in careers ranging from Teaching, Nursing to Law Enforcement. 

They held jobs that were mostly done by men during that time.  My father received technical education where he became a Plummer, a man’s job.  The norm in a society as theirs is that men rule and is seen as the superior figure.   Some of the challenges that my Aunts faced were described on levels of inequality through lower wages and constriction in progressing professionally.  My aunt that was a police officer endured struggles of high levels of disrespect and demeaning attitudes coming both from her coworkers and civilians.  She explained that for years she was assigned to undercover work that involved dressing like a prostitute in the fight against crime.  It appeared as if she had no choice in the matter and she performed duties beyond her wishes. 

They all pursued a life that is work oriented and out of balance with their expected duties of homemaker and caregiver.  They all got married and have very few children and then their relationships subsided into divorce years later.  On average they had two children which are 50% of what my grandmother had.  Did their marriages fail because they neglected their traditional roles?

On my mother’s side is quite the contrary as male domination is more prevalent and women succeed in their roles as mothers, homemakers and caregivers.  My grandfather was the head of the household and he controlled everything.  He was separated from my grandmother who had to leave her four children (three boys and my mother being the only girl) with him.  He married a woman with fifteen children (three boys and 12 girls) which expanded his family to nineteen children (her 15+ his 4) which he divorced years later.  In amazement one might say that is crazy but in his mind, he made not only the right decision but it was the best yet.  You might also add, why?

He explained that as a farmer, the more people there are the more labor power.  More children meant more individuals to help in the field with crops and tending to the animals.  He planted sugar canes, yams and reared cows, goats and pigs.  Living in an agricultural society accentuates the traditional roles and responsibilities of family in relation to gender thus posing inequalities.  My mother was the only girl of my grandfather’s biological children and she didn’t receive any formal educational because she was expected to stay at home along with her step siblings and accompanied their mother to the market to sell.  Meanwhile, her brothers and step brothers were allowed to get an education despite their valuable involvement in farming.  Two of her brothers received technical education in trade school where they venture on career paths of construction and electrical installation.

As for her brothers, two of them got married and maintain a small family of three children while the eldest brother portray promiscuity and have gotten six known children that he had fathered with six different women.  Based on his sexual behavior, it is assumed that he may have fathered more children than is known. 

My mother adapt to the domestic life, receiving no formal education, learning activities as a mother, homemaker and caregiver.  As a result, I endured tremendous pressure to excel in school because she believed that a woman’s independence and liberation is only through a solid education.  Each day she would stress the importance of having a career just so that I would not follow the path that was given to her.  The economic factor in this equation also influenced her choice of having only four children. 

She stated that at a very early age, she felt out of place and eventually ran away from home at the tender age of fifteen where she became a single mother.  She not only provided for herself and her baby but learned a skill that gave her independence both socially and financially.  Five years later she met my father who would change everything.  She was brought back on a path of dependence and inferiority.  She limited herself to the number of children that she would have because we are so sparsely aged.  Too many children in her mind meant subordination and helplessness which she was not willing to endure.

My father was the dominant figure in the relationship expecting my mother to be a stay at home mom who would be entirely dependent on him.  She endured her uncomfortable life with him for fifteen years and later broke away to find the life that she was adept to.  She bore two children for my father, including myself and my brother and years later she had a fourth which was for her new husband.  My stepfather was much more supportive than my father in her gaining her independence and managing her small catering business.  They are still together sixteen years later.  On the other hand, my father married a woman which they share no children.

The composition of my patrilineal family is somewhat small in size because they are defined within the realms of biological and reproductive relations.  On my matrilineal side, there is an expansion of members based on social relationships of marriages and common law relationships.   When we think of sex we think of biological differences and when we refer to gender it is the social and cultural constructs that we refer to and the same analysis can be applied to kinship.

Kinship can be defined by biology and sexual reproduction and in relation to social constructs of marriages and parenthood.  Primarily kinship is characterized by sexual intercourse, pregnancy and birth all of which exist in a heterosexual relationship.  Religion also plays a major role in the social construct of relationships in that marriage, sex, procreation, and child rearing is the norm.  Anything contrary is bad and doesn’t fit the social, cultural expectations and values. 

Society creates values which follows a set of ideals that when it is broken, one is considered an outcast.  This inequality makes it so easy for no one to take responsibility for social differences or try to grasp an understanding of it.  People tend to resort to resentment and punishment towards those who differ.  In Jamaican society this kind of behavior is prevalent especially in areas of Homosexuality.

Jamaicans express zero tolerance for homosexual tendencies, therefore, homosexuals are not opportune to behave and take on roles and responsibilities of heterosexual families.  The intolerance have led to such behaviors exercised behind closed doors or not occurring at all in fear of being beaten and put to death.  This is a result of the inequality that exist in society and the impact that cultural values placed on the individual with total disregard that people are different in varying degrees.

Furthermore, even within expanded families, kinship is not so well recognized because it is believed that “blood” is thicker than “water.”  This analogy has existed despite the changes in society in family structures.  After a divorce, it would almost appear as if the divorce occurred with each member involved.  With close attention this is evident because I haven’t made any mention of my mother’s step siblings because after the divorce between their mother and my grandfather, there is no social contact anymore.

Kinship can also be referred to as a shared bond between individuals but the bond shared by individuals who are related genetically appear to be much stronger.  In my grandfather’s case I would believe that this is true because the bond has been severed by the divorce.  However, this is not the case for every family structure which points attention to the exceptions that will take on a different approach. 

Adoption is seen an exception because one would assume that after an adoption, there is no sense in returning to the initial stage.  In other words, no one will return an adopted child after years of rearing.  In this case we see the embedded bond that exists eternally without the series of biological processes. 

In addition, migration also plays a vital role on how we view the structure of families.  Migrating here to the United States provided a different outlook on the family structure in terms of gender roles and kinship bonds.  We have a mix of gender roles father- mother or mother- mother and father- father households.  There are also special families based entirely on kinship bonds such as that of sororities and other social groups defined by sexual orientation.  Depending on our cultural background we are either going to accept or reject these different structures but there are no consequences set in place to punish these people if their choice is not approved. 

Coming from a patrilineal lineage, I am almost positive that my grandparents would have had an upheaval if they were exposed to these family structures.  Historically, they abide by the values of society and cultural norms that define what family is, their roles and responsibilities and identities.  However, personally I don’t believe that biology gave birth to the universal conception of family, gender roles and social roles that so clearly define most of our family structure.  It is influenced by social and cultural processes that were chosen for us.  Changing values have placed pressures on the traditional and natural roles of family and its structure which leaves many questions lying in the backdrop of our minds- What is a “normal” family?  Where do we draw the line between family and kinship?  Is blood really thicker than water?